One step at a time

It's been months since i have done any C25K training and will probably have to start all over again. So this in mind and knowing i've got to start moving i have started to use all my CardioTrainer apps on my android phone.

i've set my goal of losing 4lbs in 3 weeks, CardioTrainer thinks it's an ambitious goal with an average risk of failure. Ha i will prove it wrong! The plan we have put together is around walking 8 miles 5 times a week (weekends i'm at work and constantly stand and walk, however i don't know how much i do). The walking should roughly help me lose 0.35lb and eating around 490 less calories daily should lead to a weekly weight loss of 1.33lbs.

Yesturday CardioTrainer i walked i walked a total of 2.2 miles, but i'd say it was more around 2.5 maybe a little more as the satalite sometimes wouldn't connect properly. Today i did 1.5 miles around the blocks of my home. So, thats a total of around 4 miles, 2 days in and already half way to my target of miles!

I can't wait to weigh myself. i have to stop myself going, because that could be somewhat distructive. So yeah, one day at a time...one step at a time

A Quick Catchup

Hi guys, i have been away really for a few months, laziness more than anything. I've had a few ups and downs, just trying to keep positive.

Since June i have put on 9lbs, mostly emotional eating, the need to fill a void, which i know food could not really fill but i gave it a go anyway.

My best friend and i are having a real rough patch for something i apparently said to her mum, but personally it's been blown way out of proportion and her and her husband have been real petty over it all, their behaviour has been quite high school. It upsets me that such a friendship we had can be turned around just like that over something quite trivial. It really has upset me, even questioning if this will ever end. I hope we can put it behind us, however this fight has spurred me on to want to relocate to where my bf is originally from, all i need is to train in the field i want to work in. Which is easier said than done.

I still have not started that first youth worker job, it's so frustrating. I think they are waiting on the budget announcements that the new government will be announcing later this week. I have a second one starting soon, this was pushed back a month as they were having "staffing issues" All these set backs just make it all the more frustrating. I just want to train and work! It's bringing tears to my eyes just thinking about it all!

A move up north will be just what the doctor ordered really, Bf and i have loads of friends up there as we went to uni there and he grew up there. It's cheaper too.

So back to weight, i have a wedding to go to in a couple of weeks and bought myself an amazing red dress to wear to the wedding, it's just a little tight. So on Monday i went back on the scales and learnt i weighed 10lbs more...not the end of the world, especially as i thought it would of been more... much more actually. I then reweighed myself yesterday, and within 5 days i had lost 5lbs. It's a great motivation. I'd love to be what i was at my lowest at this journey and then carry on! So, i have 2 more weeks to loose another 5 lbs. It's totally do-able! I've gotta stay positive and focus on me! I'll defo post up pictures of this amazing dress!

I want to do this.

This little business is something i REALLY want to succeed in. I want to create my OWN business. For many reasons of course.

The main idea of it of course did come from profit... as with any business profit must be made, i earn around £200 a month with my job, I'm not signing on as well.... whats the point for an extra £8 a month? So yeah i do want to earn a little bit of extra money whilst my life settles financial wise. But secondly and most importantly, us plus size ladies, and we are young ones too are somewhat fashion orientated, some of us are loosing weight and cannot afford to buy in between size clothes and we make do. Especially if shops such as Evans can get away charging nearly £30 for a Tshirt!

So this is my plan, I am going to open up a website, and sell good quality clothes, shoes, bags...whatever, both new and second hand (pre loved ;) )for less than £10, most Items probably less than £5. I want to create a rapport with clients, get to know their sizes and their likes and dislikes and recommend items to them. Most of all i want my clients to feel special when they order, excited to open their pink package that arrived, rip open the pink tissue paper that envelopes their new garments and find not only the item they wanted but a little personalised note to them thanking them for their time and for purchasing their item and i hope they are very happy together.

These clothes are from one plus size girl to another. With love and a passion for fashion. My company will be a girly girl company, who is friendly, approachable, non judgemental and personal. It will be called So Delightful.

So i have a lot to do.... now, to find a cheap domain, that comes with email and to relearn HTML.

So my question to you. If this all took off, would you consider buying some clothes online from me?

The Entrepreneur in Me

I've been away from the world of blogging and twitter for a few weeks with some half hearted attempts to rejoining the world. But I'm fresh off my hols and i am back! Just before i went on holiday i did a little self plug on my clothes on ebay. Well it did so well, that not only was i impressed but so was the boyfriend's parents and not only did they insist me keeping the money i raised but to invest it into a mini business.

So i invested some of that money into acquiring new "stock" at rock bottom prices of course and have a new "range" on my ebay page with many items starting off at 99p.

I have bought myself pink postage bags, i have a logo i have always used but need a name to go with those initials in the logo. I'm thinking So Delightful! So i have some amazing plus size stock....cheap prices...now all i need is the customers. All you lovely people are doing amazingly well on your weight losses it can be very expensive to buy clothes when you are in between sizes. I am cheap! Many items less than £5 and the postage and packaging are fair because it does include the postage as well as the packaging.

What do you say? Will you have a look at my ebay page? I do have more to put up, that's tonight's job. But if you like what you see will you pass on the secret to any other friends or relatives? I'm gonna look at some of the sizes more closely as i have a size 30 dress suit (£5.99 or £10 buy it now) but it looks like i can fit into it and i am a 22/24.

If this second run is successful then I'm seriously considering to turn it into a fully fledged ebay business selling super affordable plus size clothes that are fashionable and not made for the 60 year old in you!

I do have the odd smaller size on there and i do have large shoe sizes such as an 8 or 9!

Here's to the entrepreneur in me and adding a little bit of extra money into the bank account.

My ebay page is: http://shop.ebay.co.uk/u0504045/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p4340

Shameless Plug

So i am going on holiday next week, and to scrape up extra funds for boyfriend and i, i have raided my wardrobe of big clothes and put them on ebay. I'm mainly doing this shameless plug for my uk blog readers who are a size of 20-26. I have put up mainly tops, bug i got leggings up there, a dress, and a skirt too.i have a few men things too. a shirt of 17.5 collar size. So to grab a bargain of tops, all my auctions start at 99p or have a low buy it now price.

Ok shameless plug over, heres the link:http://shop.ebay.co.uk/u0504045/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686
Just trying to publicize this and try and earn me some cash!

The Funk

You may or may not have noticed that i have been absent the past few weeks. I have been in a major funk for a long while, especially after boyfriend injured his backside. To compensate i for the bad feelings i had i regressed into my old patterns. I ate food that tasted so good, I'm sure i don't need to explain comfort eating to you.

Boyfriend and i were fighting, and because of his injury he was feeling down because i was unable to do things, so he spent all his time on the xbox, and i felt ignored, rejected...unloved. The boy would spend all his time on the xbox, or round our friend's house who has a broken elbow...playing xbox. He didn't want to do anything, he would rather sit lay on his front on his own and play stupid computer games, killing people.

So i when I'd go and sit with him and he ignored me and carried on playing COD2 and talking to his friend, I'd get up and leave and head to the kitchen/freezer/shop. Instead of cuddles at night I'd get his back turned to me. Now i don't handle this form of rejection very well, if you can call it rejection. Someone who loved to cuddle, play, kiss, talk and all other couple things, to having the back turned on me just made me feel worthless, unwanted. It wasn't true of course but my mind loves telling me things that aren't true. I very often slept downstairs. One night I'd bought chocolate at the petrol station, not those little bars, but those big share bags that us who have this eating disorder (where we don't stop eating because we are either happy, sad, nervous, scared, depressed, excited, celebrating..name the feeling and we'll find a reason to eat) don't actually share.  So i opened these 2 share bags had some before bed, (mattress on floor in sitting room) and i found myself waking up throughout the night eating the chocolate then going back to sleep.

Recently i also stated to buy the big bar of whole nut cadbury's dairy milk (share) bars, a 99p (share) bag of Doritos and a (normal) bag of Japanese style rice crackers. I'd eat the rice crackers first then alternate bites between the chocolate and Doritos. I know I'm shameful.

But i didn't really want to face my funk, i was much happier (so to speak) ignoring my unhappiness, ignoring my eating habits, thus ignoring twitter world. So I've got to completely stop this old behaviour of mine where i gorge on bad icky food and get back to normal and eat small portions, and only eat (snack size) treats once in a while.

Boyfriend and i are back on track, I've banished the xbox from the bedroom, so he can have his sanctuary up in the attic and i can have the bedroom as sanctuary thus not being banished to the kitchen. If that make sense.

Ripped in the Wrong places

So i get a text of a friend on Wednesday saying she just heard back that she got a job in Channel 4 and they will put her through uni, we were all invited round to celebrate with her. It was pretty sad actually, none of her family or fiance seemed to care!  So we got to drinking with her, our friend that came with us was not drinking, i had enough to make me tipsy but bf was...well he drank 7 cans of beer and half a bottle of sambuca. He was celebrating enough for all of us.

He seemed fine one minute next he changed! Total drunk zombie. On our way to get the last bus he got hyper n annoying. I was so angry with him i refused to talk to him. I told our friend that he was to sleep up in the attic with him. That's where it all went wrong.

At around 2am I heard commotion, i heard the attic door being open and closed, i heard that he had to come apologize, i heard more commotion. Then my name being called out 3 times and that there's been an accident. I come out to find bf in the bathroom. Sick all in the bath tub and my bf leaning over the sink. his underwear ripped....then i saw it. His right bum cheek had a massive rip. I was just so shocked. I wasn't as freaked out by the wound because I've had a similar wound on my knee but i was freaked out by the place and the sheer size of it.

We called 999 and i was applying compression to the area but he just didn't want to cooperate. Two fast response paramedics came followed by 2 more paramedics with an ambulance. He just did not want to listen. He wanted to throw up and well it was just chaotic. Dad was completely oblivious to it until i went and woke him up to tell him that he had an accident and we were going to the hospital.

This whole event sobered me up, They patched him up, and he was just naked on the bathroom floor, he didn't want new underwear so i had to coax him to put them on. Explain that we had 4 paramedics here and we were just wasting their time! Throughout it all he was more concerned about throwing up than the big hole in his bum. I rode to the hospital with him in the ambulance (riding in an ambulance is now ticked off my things to experience that i didn't really want to but probably will have to check list) giving them all the details followed by a telling off by the paramedic saying there is only one fast response team out and one ambulance out that night and we'd better hope that there was no one having a heart attack at that moment. (As far as i know there wasn't any as the next patient to be taken into Accident and Emergencies was around an hour after we arrived)

So when we arrived to a&e, bf was throwing up everywhere still, i was the one holding the bowl, i helped the paramedics move him on to the bed too and then they put an IV into his hand and started with the drips. He received 2 packets of well what i know them as is drips, but i saw the word glucose in there. So all i know is that they were hydrating him and trying to sober him up from all the alcohol. They didn't really check on him, when he started to throw up again on himself and the bed i cleaned him up with some tissues near by. They didn't have a tap or water cooler so anyone could drink, i asked someone for some water and they had to get a nurse to go to the kitchen to get water and they are the only ones allowed in there... now what a major waste of time. A few weeks ago we were at another A&E, this time for our friend and when we asked a nurse for water she said she wasn't our waitress and there was a water cooler just round the corner....which is true! A water cooler or drinking water tap can help nurses running back and forth to a kitchen to bring water to a relative of a sick person!

Well at around 5:30 am a lovely nurse came in and started to stitch up the bf. A cool 3 and a half hours after admission, which is fair enough coz he needed to sober up. She did a fantastic job with his bum! she spent 40 minutes giving him countless internal stitches and 19 normal stitches. When i sliced my knee open with a skirting board i should of had similar treatment but i had a doctor do mine which led me to the conclusion that for treatment always have a nurse or surgeon do the work and for diagnosis and presciptions get a doctor!

So around a minute after the final stitch went in bf seemed to come out of Zombie drunk land and asked where he was, why he was there, what had happened and why is he on his stomach. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So when it got to around 6:30 i rung for a lift home for a quick change and to get the car and rang his mum to tell her the news.

I am just so glad we have a free health care. Can you imagine the cost of everything? It would run into thousands! We are so lucky as a country to have free health care, even if sometimes it's a bit dodgy especially that A&E department... it's really not the best but i didn't have a choice of which hospital to i would of liked to have gone to.We hardly have the income between us both to have paid for his stint in A&E and would like to thank the patient paramedics and the lovely nurse that stitched up my boyfriends bum!

It's all fine now, his bum seems to be heeling great. But the days just after the accident, well i had KFC, Chinese, then i went on a chocolate binge! I was sleeping downstairs whilst he had the bed and had the chocolate next to me and i found myself mid night waking up and taking a few bites of that chocolate before going to sleep. I then had cake, fried food...tons of fajitas laden with tons of sour cream. I was definitely comfort eating. But i started all a fresh. Recounting points, I've starting jogging again in the park. I'm going for my second wind. I had a bad 3 weeks and have been plateauing for even longer. Let hope this catapults me in the right direction!