Ripped in the Wrong places

So i get a text of a friend on Wednesday saying she just heard back that she got a job in Channel 4 and they will put her through uni, we were all invited round to celebrate with her. It was pretty sad actually, none of her family or fiance seemed to care!  So we got to drinking with her, our friend that came with us was not drinking, i had enough to make me tipsy but bf was...well he drank 7 cans of beer and half a bottle of sambuca. He was celebrating enough for all of us.

He seemed fine one minute next he changed! Total drunk zombie. On our way to get the last bus he got hyper n annoying. I was so angry with him i refused to talk to him. I told our friend that he was to sleep up in the attic with him. That's where it all went wrong.

At around 2am I heard commotion, i heard the attic door being open and closed, i heard that he had to come apologize, i heard more commotion. Then my name being called out 3 times and that there's been an accident. I come out to find bf in the bathroom. Sick all in the bath tub and my bf leaning over the sink. his underwear ripped....then i saw it. His right bum cheek had a massive rip. I was just so shocked. I wasn't as freaked out by the wound because I've had a similar wound on my knee but i was freaked out by the place and the sheer size of it.

We called 999 and i was applying compression to the area but he just didn't want to cooperate. Two fast response paramedics came followed by 2 more paramedics with an ambulance. He just did not want to listen. He wanted to throw up and well it was just chaotic. Dad was completely oblivious to it until i went and woke him up to tell him that he had an accident and we were going to the hospital.

This whole event sobered me up, They patched him up, and he was just naked on the bathroom floor, he didn't want new underwear so i had to coax him to put them on. Explain that we had 4 paramedics here and we were just wasting their time! Throughout it all he was more concerned about throwing up than the big hole in his bum. I rode to the hospital with him in the ambulance (riding in an ambulance is now ticked off my things to experience that i didn't really want to but probably will have to check list) giving them all the details followed by a telling off by the paramedic saying there is only one fast response team out and one ambulance out that night and we'd better hope that there was no one having a heart attack at that moment. (As far as i know there wasn't any as the next patient to be taken into Accident and Emergencies was around an hour after we arrived)

So when we arrived to a&e, bf was throwing up everywhere still, i was the one holding the bowl, i helped the paramedics move him on to the bed too and then they put an IV into his hand and started with the drips. He received 2 packets of well what i know them as is drips, but i saw the word glucose in there. So all i know is that they were hydrating him and trying to sober him up from all the alcohol. They didn't really check on him, when he started to throw up again on himself and the bed i cleaned him up with some tissues near by. They didn't have a tap or water cooler so anyone could drink, i asked someone for some water and they had to get a nurse to go to the kitchen to get water and they are the only ones allowed in there... now what a major waste of time. A few weeks ago we were at another A&E, this time for our friend and when we asked a nurse for water she said she wasn't our waitress and there was a water cooler just round the corner....which is true! A water cooler or drinking water tap can help nurses running back and forth to a kitchen to bring water to a relative of a sick person!

Well at around 5:30 am a lovely nurse came in and started to stitch up the bf. A cool 3 and a half hours after admission, which is fair enough coz he needed to sober up. She did a fantastic job with his bum! she spent 40 minutes giving him countless internal stitches and 19 normal stitches. When i sliced my knee open with a skirting board i should of had similar treatment but i had a doctor do mine which led me to the conclusion that for treatment always have a nurse or surgeon do the work and for diagnosis and presciptions get a doctor!

So around a minute after the final stitch went in bf seemed to come out of Zombie drunk land and asked where he was, why he was there, what had happened and why is he on his stomach. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So when it got to around 6:30 i rung for a lift home for a quick change and to get the car and rang his mum to tell her the news.

I am just so glad we have a free health care. Can you imagine the cost of everything? It would run into thousands! We are so lucky as a country to have free health care, even if sometimes it's a bit dodgy especially that A&E department... it's really not the best but i didn't have a choice of which hospital to i would of liked to have gone to.We hardly have the income between us both to have paid for his stint in A&E and would like to thank the patient paramedics and the lovely nurse that stitched up my boyfriends bum!

It's all fine now, his bum seems to be heeling great. But the days just after the accident, well i had KFC, Chinese, then i went on a chocolate binge! I was sleeping downstairs whilst he had the bed and had the chocolate next to me and i found myself mid night waking up and taking a few bites of that chocolate before going to sleep. I then had cake, fried food...tons of fajitas laden with tons of sour cream. I was definitely comfort eating. But i started all a fresh. Recounting points, I've starting jogging again in the park. I'm going for my second wind. I had a bad 3 weeks and have been plateauing for even longer. Let hope this catapults me in the right direction!

Bare Naked Me!

I was messing around with my camera phone, and posted a twitpic up of the end result so some of you may have seen this. And the saying "a picture is worth a thousand words" is very true, however i wanted to add a few extra words to that picture.

It saddens me that there are girls out there that feel the need to put on make up to even step out the house to even go to the corner shop. Now i'm not one of those feminists but i do believe that everyone is beautiful. I only ever wear make up if i am going out (pub/club), event or sometimes if i am bored and have time. I go to work at the unnamed retail store ( i'm not allowed to mention the store in case i light it in a bad light) and i don't wear make up. Reason 1) I cannot be bothered to put on the make up first thing, 2) It's so hot behind the till and i run around so much it either melts or i rub it all around my face.

People shouldn't feel like they are prettier with make up, everyone is beautiful in their own individual way. Please remember that boys and girls! You are beautiful... Inside and out! Sometimes i feel harsh saying people don't need make up, i am sorry if i am sounding harsh. I realise that people do have low self esteem/confidence, and they do feel better for wearing make up. If that makes them feel better and beautiful then carry on, but the point i am trying to put across is.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

So without further due, i will stop my ranting and show you my bare naked face!

I have bags under my eyes, chubby cheeks and shiny skin in certain lights! But i have a belief that i am beautiful. I love my eyes, lips, eyebrows, smile.... what do you love about yourself?

I feel like a total junky!

So i was in the mood for a major One Tree Hill marathon. But what goes hand in hand with any sort of marathon? Sweets, ice cream, chocolate.... I was so close to popping down to my local shop to buy a tenners worth of junk food. I felt like a junky, totally excited in getting my hit. I told myself no... i will be good. Then the thought of Chinese creeps into my mind... i could totally get that, save some for bf for when he comes... I tell myself no... a firm no. Without thinking I'm putting my shoes on and thinking maybe just some chips from the kebab shop. Why am i doing this to myself? Why have i been finding excuses to sabotage myself? I have decided to distract myself by writing in my blog that i have neglected.

I have been going up and down in the same weight range for about the past month. I find it so frustrating, but i only have myself to blame. But food taste soooooo good, but I've been falling back into old habits. Healthy food can be scrumptious too, i have seem to forgotten that, i have been turning to toffee popcorn, cadbury's flake, M&S Belgian chocolate flapjack. Chips, crisps, alcohol, pizza, it's all been a down hill spiral of rubbish food.

It doesn't comfort me, it doesn't make me happy at the end of the day, well on the day of the weigh in for sure. So here we go again, take god knows how many. I need to just turn over a new leaf. This image just came into my head when saying that last sentence.

But with a lot more crumpled paper around. Sitting here with the second episode i can almost taste a flake just melting in my mouth. It just makes me feel sad. Sad that this feels like a new low. How can i be that desperate for chocolate.... it may be because i am just hungry. I think i will go down now and make myself a nice easy weight watchers ready meal.

How do you avert your attention from wanting junk and stopping yourself actually eating it?

Bad week.

So i had a very very disappointing weigh in. I have gained 3 pounds, since Tuesday (my unofficial weigh in) so in reality since last week i have gained an extra pound, so in two weeks i have gained in 5 pounds! WTF? How am i letting myself get away with this. So I am going to do something about it. I am going to set myself weekly goals as i have seen fellow bloggers do. Just to keep me in track.

Goals for this week:

1. Start Tracking food and drink again
2. Drink only water, milk and coffee
3. Go to the gym at least 3 times this week
4. Move on to Week 4 of C25K

It's just a teeny tiny post. I'm not quite in the mood for writing, but for wallowing. I also have to go food shopping with dad.

I have a ton of ideas tho of topics i want to write about. Well i say a ton, it's more like 3 at the moment.

Because I'm Worth It and So Are You!

I was just sitting out in the garden with my mum and my neighbours daughter who just had a sleeve put in. She was meant to have a bypass but problems with a previous gastric band surgery complicated matters.  So you could say conversation went from light banter to deep therapy.

Neighbour, lets call her Shirley, admitted that her therapist had said he had never met a patient so self loathing and she needs regular sessions. She kept telling us she was worthless, a waste of space... and it upset me. I have known Shirley all my life as she was a young teen when i was born. Her children and I played together throughout childhood. So to hear that she thinks she is absolutely worthless and a bad person is a terrible thing.

She's saying her husband is a better person than she is, that we all are. When she is just as good if not better! She runs a household, she cooks, cleans, has quite a high powered job, she's part of a committee of a rugby team, i could go on.

Mum was saying that she thought the main reason she was feeling like that was her husband. Let's call him Bob. So Bob apparently "puts Shirley down" and Shirley believes him. She puts him on a pedestal. In fact, i think the only reason she is still with him, not only for the sake of the children, but she truly believes no one out there will love her or fancy her. She is truly "under the thumb" so to speak and he wears the trousers.

I don't know if i find her feelings shocking because i am the complete opposite or that I've never heard her speak so honestly.  I'm now at the age I'm not the baby she knew, but a young woman who can become a confidant. It saddens me anyone can feel unworthy of what they deserve. Don't live the lives they dream of but one they think they should lead.

Am i one of the minority who think that losing weight will only make me even more prettier? I mean I don't feel on top of the world and beautiful everyday, but i do see myself as a beautiful curvy woman who can be sexy. How do you guys feel? Do you guys love yourself? Are you worth it?

I totally believe every single one of us is worth it. Everyone is beautiful in their own way.

Inspiration needed!

It has been a while since my last entry. I've not been at the laptop as much since i got my phone back. But i can't blog on my phone tho, which is not cool.

Last week i went to the North East with BF. I didn't get to go to the gym or go for a jog. I ate sweets at the cinema, take out and drank alcohol. So i put on 4 pounds. I have been hitting it hard at the gym since. I went on Saturday evening after work and then today. I keep hitting that darn wall when it comes to jogging. I'm still on week 3 of my C25K and only seem to be doing 2k. By the second 3 minute jog half of me is begging to stop, the other half is begging and willing me to carry on, that i can do it.

I don't quit, If i do need to take a breather and rest my legs i do it during the walking bit.

I can't seem to get motivation though. I'm currently stuck in the 280's.... how can i be struggling already? All i keep thinking is that i can't believe i let me self go so much last week. I could be out of the 280's and be in the 270's by now. I wanna reach 30 lbs lost! i was so close and all!

But it's just a blip. I will go past it! I will exercise my shrinking butt off these next few weeks so i can escape this blip! I am now going to set up my goal list and bucket list to keep me focused.

I read on someones blog at some point... I'm sorry i can't remember who, let me know if it was you. But for every pound you lose you should add a paper clip to create a paper clip chain. I've got that up in my room. I look forward to adding the paper clip(s) and feel gutted every time i have to remove one (or more).

Who else has tips to keep me motivated now that i do not go to Weight Watchers?

The lost art of letter writing

This morning as i was walking out the door there on the doormat was 1 letter and that letter was addressed to me! I was so excited as my name and address was hand written. It  was just my local MP invited me to an afternoon tea but i was feeling all happy because i had that hand written envelope. Sad i know but it got me thinking.

We as a world wide nation do not stop and take the time to write letters to our friends and family. We have the phone either land line or mobile, we have the Internet, facebook, twitter. We text, we email...we can even send our birthday cards via the Internet without putting pen to card.

So i was thinking, i would like a pen pal. I had one when i was younger and it was fun, i couldn't wait to receive my letter. I would love to start that up again. But i don't know how to start. In this day in age who can you trust? You are not only giving perhaps a stranger your address but in the letters you will be discussing your personal life. Has anyone got a pen pal or know how to get one?

Do you enjoy writing letters? Receiving kind words that someone has taken time for their life to write to you?

Answers on a postcard addressed to Girl in Fatsuit!

xxxx