Day 1

So my last post was more for me than for you, it was a reminder that this is something i am going to do, and give it my best again. It's written down and something i now have to follow through.

I am going to have to reset all my stats, will add to the stats column and add my lowest weight. At the moment i won't be going to a class as my  work schedule is all over the place and was one thing (along with laziness) that stopped the whole process.

Today so far i have eaten 37 out of my 47 points, i have no idea what to have for my last 10. i know i should eat up all my points. I am planning to get on the wii for at least 30 mins (stepping, boxing and hoola hooping).

I am also doing a shopping list so i can plan and make healthy meals, although i feel like i have forgotten all my healthy meals after binging on pizza, chips and take away for the past few months. I am getting fresh vegetables, lean meat, and filling foods. Although, and i am sure you agree with me on this, i just wish i could have a cook that made me my meals and said "here you go, it will fill you up and its super delicious!"

 I have been using these wii weights and i'm hoping they will add to the work out. I use them when i'm doing my stepping, and i do the stepping for about 10 minutes, because you put it on in the background and watch regular tv and the wii remote plays a rhythmic beat so you can keep up with the steps. i also am using them for the boxing. I would recommend them as they aren't super heavy and you do feel like you have done a workout! I've posted a link of the exact ones i am using below.

Today has been ok, i've been trying to change my bad habits. I was some chocolate fingers on the table when i got in and instinctively went to have some, but i realised what i was doing and stopped. That's something to pat myself on the back for. These little things that we say no to, is almost an achievement in itself, because i don't know about you, but for me, it's hard to say no. Not when you are in your own home and no one around to judge you for what you are, maybe not even necessarily realise, eating. These first few days are hard if you have not watched what you ate. I'm sure my stomach has been stretched by what i have eaten, i now need to slowly wait and let it shrink back by eating sensible portions. Feeling hungry is the worst feeling for an over eater like myself. I'm feeling it now, i'm going to go have some strawberries (0pp) and drink some water to quiet down the pangs.

 

My name is Fat Girl and i am an addict...

My name is Fat Girl and i am an addict. Let me tell you about my drug, it is so accessible! It's everywhere. You don't have to be a certain age to buy it, it's not illegal, and there are thousands of different versions that you can have! It's food.

The past few nights i have been craving sweets, sweet chocolate, dessert, anything with caramel or chocolate to be honest. I even seriously thought about driving to McDonald's and getting my strange but ultra tasty mix treat... fries and caramel sundae. I love to dip the fries in the ice cream and then eat the caramel last. But i have stopped my self. It is so easy to think " Just one more chocolate bar or just one more chip, just one more..." But it never really is worth it.

I have felt like a total addict recently. I have needed hits of sugar to satisfy me, otherwise i get all agitated and feel like i am missing something. Sometimes i give in, sometimes i manage to control myself. It's a thing i do now. Do i really want this? How will i feel if i eat this? Will it really make me feel better? Is my body craving sugar or is it my brain/feelings?

Having these thoughts of addiction in my mind i went on the net to look it up. I found that not only was i not alone in having these feelings but there is scientific proof about having these feelings.

"A team from Scripps Research Institute in Florida found binging on junk food triggered the same chemical release in the brain that heroin and cocaine addicts experience when they get high."

So because i am cutting out the chocolate, ice cream, fries (god i miss them sometimes) i am having withdrawal symptoms. In a way, that is rather sad and i want to be able to control these feelings, temptations and cravings but sometimes i just can't. I do sometimes have a weak moment and "binge" on junk food. Why could i not just binge on carrot sticks and lettuce? But what is different to me binging before March 2010 and after is that i binge an awful lot less and i now exercise.

Plus binging then and now are completely two different things. Before i could polish off a tub of ice cream, eat tons of pop corn, giant bars of chocolate. Now i will have a white chocolate bueno (4p for the 2 bars), i buy WW carrot cake slices because they are 1p a slice i don't feel too guilty about it and they are delicious too! They have a layer of icing too which satisfy my cravings. So delicious are they that the boyfriend even eats them. Although as any addict would, i get annoyed at the boyfriend eating them... they ARE my carrot cake slices after all!

Before i used to over indulge, now i treat within my points. I may not be knowledgeable in many areas but i do know this. I have a healthier attitude to food, if i can't help but to feed my withdrawals i know that i can redeem my self later on, not say "oh well i blew it for today i might as well carry on" which is something i used to say.

This addiction with food is something i can overcome but don't think i will ever shake off. I can keep the addiction monster at bay but bring out the good stuff at the wrong time and it can be set off again. I know that and can accept that. But for now, i am still working at it.