Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Shameless Plug

So i am going on holiday next week, and to scrape up extra funds for boyfriend and i, i have raided my wardrobe of big clothes and put them on ebay. I'm mainly doing this shameless plug for my uk blog readers who are a size of 20-26. I have put up mainly tops, bug i got leggings up there, a dress, and a skirt too.i have a few men things too. a shirt of 17.5 collar size. So to grab a bargain of tops, all my auctions start at 99p or have a low buy it now price.

Ok shameless plug over, heres the link:http://shop.ebay.co.uk/u0504045/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686
Just trying to publicize this and try and earn me some cash!

Thursday, 12 August 2010

The Funk

You may or may not have noticed that i have been absent the past few weeks. I have been in a major funk for a long while, especially after boyfriend injured his backside. To compensate i for the bad feelings i had i regressed into my old patterns. I ate food that tasted so good, I'm sure i don't need to explain comfort eating to you.

Boyfriend and i were fighting, and because of his injury he was feeling down because i was unable to do things, so he spent all his time on the xbox, and i felt ignored, rejected...unloved. The boy would spend all his time on the xbox, or round our friend's house who has a broken elbow...playing xbox. He didn't want to do anything, he would rather sit lay on his front on his own and play stupid computer games, killing people.

So i when I'd go and sit with him and he ignored me and carried on playing COD2 and talking to his friend, I'd get up and leave and head to the kitchen/freezer/shop. Instead of cuddles at night I'd get his back turned to me. Now i don't handle this form of rejection very well, if you can call it rejection. Someone who loved to cuddle, play, kiss, talk and all other couple things, to having the back turned on me just made me feel worthless, unwanted. It wasn't true of course but my mind loves telling me things that aren't true. I very often slept downstairs. One night I'd bought chocolate at the petrol station, not those little bars, but those big share bags that us who have this eating disorder (where we don't stop eating because we are either happy, sad, nervous, scared, depressed, excited, celebrating..name the feeling and we'll find a reason to eat) don't actually share.  So i opened these 2 share bags had some before bed, (mattress on floor in sitting room) and i found myself waking up throughout the night eating the chocolate then going back to sleep.

Recently i also stated to buy the big bar of whole nut cadbury's dairy milk (share) bars, a 99p (share) bag of Doritos and a (normal) bag of Japanese style rice crackers. I'd eat the rice crackers first then alternate bites between the chocolate and Doritos. I know I'm shameful.

But i didn't really want to face my funk, i was much happier (so to speak) ignoring my unhappiness, ignoring my eating habits, thus ignoring twitter world. So I've got to completely stop this old behaviour of mine where i gorge on bad icky food and get back to normal and eat small portions, and only eat (snack size) treats once in a while.

Boyfriend and i are back on track, I've banished the xbox from the bedroom, so he can have his sanctuary up in the attic and i can have the bedroom as sanctuary thus not being banished to the kitchen. If that make sense.