Monday, 17 May 2010
My name is Fat Girl and i am an addict...
My name is Fat Girl and i am an addict. Let me tell you about my drug, it is so accessible! It's everywhere. You don't have to be a certain age to buy it, it's not illegal, and there are thousands of different versions that you can have! It's food.
The past few nights i have been craving sweets, sweet chocolate, dessert, anything with caramel or chocolate to be honest. I even seriously thought about driving to McDonald's and getting my strange but ultra tasty mix treat... fries and caramel sundae. I love to dip the fries in the ice cream and then eat the caramel last. But i have stopped my self. It is so easy to think " Just one more chocolate bar or just one more chip, just one more..." But it never really is worth it.
I have felt like a total addict recently. I have needed hits of sugar to satisfy me, otherwise i get all agitated and feel like i am missing something. Sometimes i give in, sometimes i manage to control myself. It's a thing i do now. Do i really want this? How will i feel if i eat this? Will it really make me feel better? Is my body craving sugar or is it my brain/feelings?
Having these thoughts of addiction in my mind i went on the net to look it up. I found that not only was i not alone in having these feelings but there is scientific proof about having these feelings.
"A team from Scripps Research Institute in Florida found binging on junk food triggered the same chemical release in the brain that heroin and cocaine addicts experience when they get high."
So because i am cutting out the chocolate, ice cream, fries (god i miss them sometimes) i am having withdrawal symptoms. In a way, that is rather sad and i want to be able to control these feelings, temptations and cravings but sometimes i just can't. I do sometimes have a weak moment and "binge" on junk food. Why could i not just binge on carrot sticks and lettuce? But what is different to me binging before March 2010 and after is that i binge an awful lot less and i now exercise.
Plus binging then and now are completely two different things. Before i could polish off a tub of ice cream, eat tons of pop corn, giant bars of chocolate. Now i will have a white chocolate bueno (4p for the 2 bars), i buy WW carrot cake slices because they are 1p a slice i don't feel too guilty about it and they are delicious too! They have a layer of icing too which satisfy my cravings. So delicious are they that the boyfriend even eats them. Although as any addict would, i get annoyed at the boyfriend eating them... they ARE my carrot cake slices after all!
Before i used to over indulge, now i treat within my points. I may not be knowledgeable in many areas but i do know this. I have a healthier attitude to food, if i can't help but to feed my withdrawals i know that i can redeem my self later on, not say "oh well i blew it for today i might as well carry on" which is something i used to say.
This addiction with food is something i can overcome but don't think i will ever shake off. I can keep the addiction monster at bay but bring out the good stuff at the wrong time and it can be set off again. I know that and can accept that. But for now, i am still working at it.