Friday, 4 June 2010

Sabotage


I have noticed recently that although my BFF says she supports me and regularly compliments me on weight loss she also encourages me to eat bad foods. I who have little will power always seem to let the temptations get the better of me and allow myself to order Indian or pizza, tuck into popcorn and drink coke.

Let me tell you a little about my BFF. We met at high school and we were both larger teens and we were pretty much instantly friends. I always looked up to her as an inspiration fashion wise, she was the sister i never had. I had a calming effect on her and tamed her wild ways. We were chalk and cheese in the best possible ways. When i transferred schools, we lost touch for a bit, she had a different set of friends and i another set. She lost a whole bunch of weight in this time by using lunch money for cigs. Whilst i used my lunch money for lunch and then some! But slowly after years we bother have piled on more weight. Me with a much larger appetite but still sharing our bad foods.

When i decided to lose weight i decided to do it for me. I did it quietly at first then decided why be quiet about it? i should be proud. This is when i feel like it's all started. BFF knows what are my weaknesses when it comes to food. Whenever we are round she always suggests an Indian or pizza... always giving me coke.

Now i know i cannot blame her entirely, it is my fault for also accepting it or caving in to the weakness. I mean after all i do not want to just sit there when everyone is eating (BFF, BFF's husband, friend and BF) whilst i microwave a ready meal.

She showed us some footage of her on her honeymoon and was shocked at how she looked. But when i say to her that she should come to the gym with me or join in the jogging then she changes her tune. It just angers me. Plus i know if she were to jog with me she would only drag me down, she would more than likely give up half way. I feel like i am bitching but it makes me angry. Angry that she moans and complains yet won't do anything about her weight, angry that she seems to ignore my health kick and is constantly trying to get me to join in with her bad habits but most of all, I am angry at myself. Angry that i let myself be dragged down. I really need a kick up the backside.

I put on a pound last week and i haven't been any better this week and expecting another pound on. Why am i undoing my own hard work. Why am i allowing not only my BFF to sabotage me but myself too?

much love
Fat Suit x

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