Wednesday, 17 March 2010

So upset

So it was weigh in yesterday and i lost 3lbs bringing my grand total to 13lbs. I was disappointed because i wanted a minimum of 4 because it would bring it up to a stone. But still 3 pounds is 3 pounds. I also weighed my handbag whilst there was a lull in the weigh in and it was 9 and a half pounds! I was flabbergasted! My bag was so heavy but i lost more than that in my first week!

Well off i go to meet my mum in London and she asked me how much i lost, i could see the excitement and anticipation in her eyes and when i told her 3lbs her face dropped, and gave me a look of disappointment. Later on, when we were on the tube home she turned round to me and asked me why do i think i lost ONLY 3lbs? did i eat too much this week? I almost cried.

I felt like saying...wait you have had your gastric band opened a bit and you've put on 40lbs.... my stomach is bigger than yours and i have lost weight and you have not! yet you are moaning about how much weight you put on? isn't that hypercritical? Why haven't you lost weight? that's right because you barely eat but drink about 4 cups of "coffee" with full fat milk in it, double cream and sometime custard in it too! But of course i couldn't say this because it would be disrespectful...cruel...and i am her beloved daughter who now has to lend her clothes because her old ones do not fit anymore. I think i have some unresolved issues with my mother!

I just received a call about a possible job. I have an interview on Tuesday...but the thing is that it is based 300 miles away. Near the area i went to university to and near to wear my boyfriend comes from. To be honest i have more friends up there than down here in London but my very best friend lives down here and the last time we told her that my boyfriend had an interview up there for the same company she cried all night. Tomorrow is her birthday and her hen do this weekend, i don't want to tell her because i don't want to ruin these special few days for her. In fact i can't think of when the right time to tell her is.

I have mixed feelings. i mean i need a proper job, i only work weekends. I need to money and a job so that my boyfriend and i can move forward with our lives, to get engaged, to move into our own place. However, i don't want to leave her. She is the sister i never had. Then there is leaving my family, my cat! Which i hope to bring with me if i get the job and manage to get my own place. She is my baby. I don't know, it's an opportunity i need. That we need. I'll keep you posted.

love from The Girl in the Fat Suit

1 comment:

  1. First off, 3lbs is an awesome loss! You usually don't want to lose much more than that. You have a bigger chance of gaining it back that way.

    It's a slow process and there will be times where you'll ask if it's all worth it. Trust me, it is!

    I've been doing this for over a year now and have just hit 100lbs lost. I still have 77lbs to go, but I know that I'll get there eventually.

    Also, just let what your mom said roll off your back. Don't let her get you down. You know you're doing well, so just keep your chin up dear!!