Totally Demotivated

Today i feel totally demotivated! I always feel like I'm over eating now and i shouldn't be eating but when i look back at my points tracker I'm in fact under eating my points...sometimes by 5 or 6 points. i feel like I'm depriving myself as well but then the other side of my brains shouts out no don't eat that it has X amount of points!

I'm scared to cook any meals myself because what if i don't get the ingredients right and or what if my portion size is not right its like ahhh.... so I'm sticking to ready meals by weight watchers because i least i know it's 5.5 points or something like it.

I was also like oooh i lost 10 pounds now I'm like i don't notice a difference... i know it's not going to happen over night but I'm starting to get a bit obsessed and i want to know now how much i weight to make sure I'm on track! But we have never kept scales in the house. I'm just torn in two!

I'm hoping to get at least 4 pounds off this week so i can hit my 1 stone off weight loss mile stone. That's what's keeping me going. But all i want to do is hit the corner shop and buy a big old bar of chocolate and munch my way through it but that would just spoil everything. I have eaten chocolate this week. I had the most amazing white chocolate bueno... every bit was tastier than the last, in fact i was a bit sad when i finished it. Which in its self is quite sad itself!

I'm trying to change my attitude with food but as many of you may know it's hard! My head is really all over the place!

What is also worrying me is that this weekend i have a hen do to go to as i am maid of honour. There will be so much drinking taking place and i dunno what to drink as what i tend to like to drink is probably most calorific. Shall i have 2 bad days/ nights? i can't stand any diet drink...and vodka so vodka and diet coke is definitely not for me! Well I'll ponder it out a bit and let you know what my conclusions will be.

Bye for now!
Love from the girl in the fat suit
xxx