Last night i was so emotional and i couldn't sleep. So i tried to think of happy things to try to distract myself and i came up to thinking what i would do when i was a size 16/18 as opposed to a 24/26 and i started to get all excited.
There is two world i believe when you are overweight... the things you can do and the things the world tells you that you can't do!
I'm told i can't shop in "normal" clothes shops and if i can i am mainly banished to the corner of the "plus size" range, or if the shop does do clothes in larger sizes i have rummage at the back of the clothes just hoping they have what i want in my size or i have to go to the one plus size shop (Evans) and pay over the odds for frankly items of clothing is not my style and designed for someone who is around 15 years older than i am. I don't want to just settle... i want to pick and chose what i want to wear...mix and match from shops... i want to shop at Primark with ease... i want to go out with my friends and not be just the advisor on the clothes they try on because shock horror they don't do my size!
I'm told i can go on theme park rides because I'm too big for the seats. Years ago when i was around a size 22, i went to Thorpe Park and i was so excited because i love theme parks. Its the thrill of it i guess! When i jumped into the seat, it wouldn't shut... i had 2 staff try and push the seat down and it just wouldn't click into place. I can't tell you how humiliated i was! I have never been to a theme park since. I always claim i can't afford it but in reality i don't want to queue up with friends for an hour for a ride to then wait for them to enjoy their 1 minute ride! If i wanted to spend my day queuing i would jump in the car and spend the day on the M25!
Love for me has never been a problem. I have had relationships since 16 and i am currently in a very loving relationship for over 2 and half years. He is very encouraging and supportive in what i want, tells me i am beautiful and sexy everyday which makes me a very lucky girl. I am truly blessed in having my relationship.
I look forward to flying on an aeroplane. I mean i have flown yearly but i always stick myself in the window seat so the bf can sit next to me. I am fed up of seeing the faces of disappointment and disgust of fellow passengers who realise they have to sit next to me and face a 2+ hour journey next to someone who takes up so much space. I can't wait to be able to do up the seat belt and pull the adjuster rather than max it out to the longest length and breath in as much as i can hoping it will do up.
I also find that when i am on the tube that I'm the last person someone sits next to. I'm already squeezed into a seat. The stranger who dares sit next to me would have already weighed up the options to either stand or give their tired feet a rest but also squeeze into the seat.
I look forward in doing these things... which a lot of people take for granted. The lucky ones who can eat anything and stay slender, the ones who work hard to keep their shape. I one day will be one of them lucky ones and that's the thing... i will consider myself lucky... i broke the cycle of feeling down and eating and become the person i envisage in my mind that i really am. I'm no fool, i know my life won't be perfect once i lose weight however i know my life will become easier.
Thinking of all them things i want to do is what motivates me not to fall into my cycle of when feeling down i comfort myself by eating the house out of all the sweet sugary carbs it possesses but by doing something else...something more productive.
Thanks for reading.
Love from the Girl in the Fat Suit x x